ABOUT | dogs

Gunston Dog Lawyers: The Engine Room.

OK. You have called Gunston Dog Lawyers on behalf of your stupid rapist dog. Now you have set the wheels of democracy in motion. From here, it's just a simple process of payment, arbitration, justice, teeth, chainsaws and finally peace of mind.

Gene Gunston esq.

I am Gene Gunston and once your cheque has cleared I will seek the counsel of our high profile legal team and then quickly proceed to dispense **ABSOLUTE MOTHERFUCKING JUSTICE** on behalf of your disgusting fuckhead rodent dog.

Wayne Gunston

I am Wayne Gunston and your dog makes me bloody sick. Rooting everything in sight and barking like a hyena whose nuts were recently possessed by Satan. I don't even know why I've been roped into this latest fuckin' family scam. Fuck the lawyers on the front page, they don't even exist, my shithead brother Gene just goes around to whatever address you stupidly give him on behalf of some ugly pedo dog and chainsaws their living room halfway to Husqvarna and back.

Aunty Doris Gunston.

Do not include me in this latest shart-brained venture of Gene's. The "lawyers" don't exist, the justice doesn't exist, none of it bloody exists, the only thing that does exist is Gene's stupid 48" inch chainsaw and that revolting ute covered in sherry and blood and auto-asphyxiated possum spoof.

Trevor Gunston

My fuckhead brother Gene-o has told me to be on "standby" with the ute in case his chainsaw locks up and he needs me to pilot the ute directly onto some poor cunts front lawn and then straight through the front of their fuckin' living room.